


Of Weddings and Revelations

by Kim Gasper (mickeym)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Time, M/M, Romance, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-03-15
Updated: 1998-03-15
Packaged: 2017-10-08 14:11:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/76439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickeym/pseuds/Kim%20Gasper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An invitation to Carolyn's wedding gets Jim thinking about his relationship with Sandburg.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Weddings and Revelations

Of Weddings and Revelations

I got the invitation one afternoon early in September, and sat there staring at it for the longest time after I'd opened it.  I must have had a pretty interesting  expression on my face--awe? incredulity? disbelief?-- because Sandburg called me on it.

"What's up, man? You've got the--oddest--look on your face."  He gave me a smile, but the concern in his eyes was obvious.

I raised an eyebrow. I suppose I did look odd, but how often do you get an invitation to your ex-wife's second wedding?

I'd never have figured Carolyn for doing it like this--the whole wedding thing. But I guess even independent, career-minded women can get into that, and although she and I had had a wedding, we hadn't done much.  I shook my head and told him what it was, and for who, and watched his face darken a little.

There was no love lost between my guide and my ex-wife.  They maybe could have been friends, but I think she felt threatened by my sudden, and to her way of thinking, inexplicable,  need to have him around. The fact that Blair and I got to be such good friends, so fast, must have amazed her, too, because I don't let people in easily.  When all the shit with David Lash blew up in our faces, and I faced nearly losing my partner for the umpteenth time in our short relationship, I started opening to him even more. Her attitude toward him worsened after that, until she was snipping at Blair for just about anything.  He forgives things pretty easily, but this unfathomable attack on himself was hard for him to handle, especially since I couldn't very well come out and tell him what I thought was going on, say 'she's jealous of you, Chief, because I've given you more than I ever gave her'.

"Well," he said finally, drawing me out of my thoughts, "I'm glad for her."  He must have seen the doubt in my eyes because he smiled again, then made a face at me. "I'm serious, man. I'm not that petty, y'know.  Best wishes to her."

I grinned. "I believe you, Sandburg."  I opened the card and a small piece of paper fell out. A personal note from my ex-wife, saying she really hoped I could make it, and she'd already made reservations for me at the Bayside Inn, where most of the wedding party was staying.  I groaned out loud, and the interest on my partner's face notched back up.

"What, man?"

I held the note out to him, running through my excuses in my mind. Work? Illness? Prior vacation plans? Shit. It's not that I don't still consider Carolyn a friend, or wish her well myself, but the last thing I wanted to do was spend four days in San Francisco, rubbing elbows with my ex-in-laws, then watch my ex-wife get remarried. A root canal without novocaine sounded like more fun.

"You gonna go?"  Man, the second time in ten minutes the sound of his voice pulled me out of these deep musings. It was like I couldn't even get lost in my own thoughts anymore.  My mind, my hearing, my _everything_ is so attuned to Sandburg that he's just always _there_.

"No."  I didn't mean for my answer to come out so clipped, so short. I recoiled from the hurt I saw flare in his eyes before he pushed it down. Sandburg hides it pretty well, but I know I hurt his feelings a lot--and I sure as hell don't mean to.

"Why not?" He countered then. "San Francisco is a beautiful city, and it would do you good to get away for a few days."  He pressed on resolutely, ignoring my head-shaking and half-muttered protests.  "You should go, Jim.  Take Simon with you--he knows Carolyn too--and have a great time. I assume you can bring a guest?" He waited until I nodded, then picked up the ball again.  "Well, there you go. You guys go, have a great time. Watch her um, y'know. Do the wedding thing."

I waited until he had to stop and breathe, then jumped in. "What about you?"

"What about me?"  To say he looked startled was the epitome of understatement.

"Well, Simon'll have received his own invitation, I'm sure. Why don't you come along with me?  If I need a break, so do you. You keep worse hours than me."  I made the offer casually, hoping he wouldn't try to read more into it than that.  I'd treaded so carefully, for so long, that I couldn't see myself revealing too much now…but you never can tell. And Blair is a _bright_ guy. 

For the longest time there hadn't really been anything to hide. I was grateful for the assistance with my senses; grateful for someone to come along and take control of them, and of me. After a while, I was _glad_ to have him around; I could always count on Sandburg to be there for me, when I needed him.  At some point though, my 'good friends' feelings had morphed into something a whole lot more intense and way more complicated. But it wasn't like I wasn't getting my needs met just by being friends; shit, two people could hardly _be_ closer. I think that's why Carolyn picked up on it. I was more intimate, in some ways, with Blair, than I ever was with her.  The only need I had that he didn't meet for me was physical, and that was only because _I_ wasn't sure about taking it to that stage, of risking what I had.

My guide-turned-partner-turned-roommate was bisexual. He told me shortly after he moved in, after we'd found Larry and the dust had settled on the case that had caused his homeless state.

_"I don't want secrets between us, Jim,"_ he'd said to me._ "I dig guys as much as women, but I also value our friendship more. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me for any reason, so you need to know that I'm not gonna put any moves on you."_  I reassured him that I wasn't worried about it, didn't care. Tried _not _to care when he'd come home smelling like another man once in a while. It was funny that I didn't mind him coming home with a woman's scent all over him; it was just the other guys that drove me up a wall. I pushed it off as some weirdly territorial instinct and tried not to fret about it.

I hadn't been totally honest with him.  I liked guys, too. I hadn't _been_ with one since early in my Vice days, because I met Carolyn shortly after that, and after all the shit with her went down, I didn't want _anyone_.  But I'd had enough experience with other men in my past to put me firmly and comfortably  into bisexuality. I didn't say anything to Blair about it because I didn't _want_ that from him. At least I didn't think I did.  I wanted a friend, not a lover.

And, as I said, somewhere along the line, that changed. The short, smart, quick-thinking, goofy, funny, sexy-as-hell grad student who wormed his way into my home, my head, my _life_, also wormed his way into my heart.

I smiled, thinking about all of this, and watching the horror growing in his eyes with my casual invitation.

"Why would I go? I don't…Carolyn and I aren't exactly warm friends, Jim. She is _not_ gonna want to see me there, with you, for her wedding day."

Damn, the kid _had_ picked up on some of the subtleties. Well, like I said, he's bright.

"She'll get over it, Chief.  C'mon--the break'll do you as much good as me.  More, probably. I only have to worry catching bad guys and weird sentinel shit. You have all that, plus a thesis and teaching and other related topics."

"I can't. I got--" I could almost _see_ the wheels turning desperately in his head as he searched for a good, plausible reason not to go with me.

"You got jack," I growled in a low voice.  "No classes, to teach or attend. If Simon gives me the time off, he'll give it to you--what's an observer when the subject is gone, anyway? And besides, Blair," I dropped the growl and stared at him, using his first name for emphasis, "I _like_ your company. Carolyn can't screen who I bring with me--that's my business."

He shook his head, curls bouncing a little bit, and grinned at me. "Man, you _so_ do not play fair. Who the hell am _I_ to argue, if you put it like that?"

And it was as easy as that. Next thing I did was get two plane tickets to San Francisco for two weeks from Thursday, wondering the entire time just exactly _what_ Sandburg might know about my feelings toward him.

**********

"God, I hate flying," the green-tinged figure next to me mumbled, for what must have been the hundredth time since take-off. Admittedly, we'd had rough chop over Portland, but that had been well over an hour ago, and Blair didn't look any better off _now_ than he had during.

"Next time, take the Dramamine _at_ the airport. Don't wait until the bumpy ride starts."

"I'm driving back home, man. No _way_ am I doing this again, five days from now."

I shook my head and smiled sympathetically.  "Yeah, well, three hours in a plane versus two days in the car. You do the math, Genius. It's a lot better to suffer for a few hours as opposed to a couple of days."

"At least the car won't be all over the air space," he countered, shifting a little bit. I was absurdly glad that I'd changed my mind at the last minute and got us the first-class seats. It wasn't that I cared so much about sitting in first-class, but it was a lot more comfortable, and while Blair had been sick I'd been glad for the extra room for him to stretch out a little in.

"You okay, Chief?"  He looked a little greener than a minute ago and I detected an increase in his breathing again.

"Don't know," he mumbled hoarsely, leaning back and closing his eyes.

"Get some sleep, Sandburg. We'll be there before long and you can rest and relax for real then, but try to sleep for now."

"Sure thing, Jim," he mumbled again.  I watched him, glad again that I'd invited him along.  I didn't like to think anymore of time spent away from him; a total of five days would have been too much to be borne.

Things hit you at the weirdest times.  Like sitting on an airplane bound for San Francisco, with your roommate lying only half-conscious next to you, still green with motion-sickness and smelling faintly of bile and sweat from the same.  I'd known for some time that I loved Blair; it was quite a revelation to realize that I was _in_ love with him.  I grinned down at him, partially relieved that he wasn't awake to see the dawning realization in my eyes; partially equally disappointed, for the same reason.

I touched his hand, then his shoulder gently, just to touch him.  He mumbled my name and shifted around so that he was sprawled a little more comfortably in the seat, his thigh brushing mine and his head leaning toward me.  A strange gesture to show trust, but there it was.  And it was enough, for now.  There was plenty of time to figure out how to tell him, how to go about this.  For now I could just savor the sweetness of the feeling.

**********

"Man, it's been _years_ since I've been to 'Frisco."  Sandburg rallied pretty well once we got off the airplane; by the time we'd collected our bags and taken the shuttle to the rental-car office he looked almost normal.  A little paler than usual, maybe, but at least he wasn't green any more.

"Me too."  I looked around, automatically dialing down my  hearing when the loudspeaker crackled to life.  I could hear the planes taking off and landing in the background; further behind that was chatter, presumably from the airport, which we were still part of.  All around me swirled a dizzying mix of scents, sights and other sounds; over it all, blocking the intensity like my own personal white-noise generator, was my guide's heartbeat and breathing pattern.

"Didja tell her?" 

"You know I didn't."  I waited for the clerk to gesture me to the open window at the desk and gestured for Sandburg to follow me.  "Why?"

"'Cause man, I have got, like, such a _bad_ feeling about this."  He shook his head, then stood there people-watching while I paid for the car, signed the paperwork, and got directions to the Bayside Inn.

"You're being paranoid for no reason," I told him when I finished, cuffing him lightly upside the head to get his attention.  "C'mon, let's get the car--we gotta drive into the city."

"I am _not_," he insisted, dragging himself behind me.  "Carolyn doesn’t like me and is not going to be pleased to see me here with you."

"Yeah, well, that's her problem, isn't it? The invitation said 'and guest', and you're my guest.  If I took Sonya Jenson from Records, there's no guarantee that Carolyn would be any happier with that choice."

"You like Sonya Jenson?"  My guide's startling blue eyes lit up and I grinned at him.

"That was just an example, Junior. Down boy."  I followed the clerk's directions outside and to the lot; gave my rental ticket to the attendant who disappeared.

"You are such a shit, Ellison," he grumbled.

I laughed. "_I'm _a shit? How do you figure?"

"Teasing like that. Here I thought maybe I was gonna get you settled."

I swung my eyes down to meet his, total surprise racing through me. Get me settled?  "What the hell are you talking about?"  Then I looked _into_ his eyes. Damn kid was teasing me. I saw the grin spread across his face to match the one shining in his eyes.  "God, and you have the nerve to say I'm a shit? Man, Sandburg, I got nothing on you, buddy."

He shrugged. "Seriously, I just, y'know, wanna see you happy, man. You don't…you need to find somebody."

"Oh, like you're the voice of established relationships?"  Okay, so maybe that was a little cruel. But then again, I was still flying high from the unexpected revelation on the airplane, and here he was, talking about settling me with someone--someone other than him.  He flushed a little, but stood his ground.

"I'm not. But I don't go around with this wholly wistful air about me, either.  You _act_ like someone who needs somebody. Or at least needs to get laid."

"All right, Sandburg, I think that's enough."  Now we were skirting too close for comfort, because I wasn't ready to share this with him yet.  "Keep your nose out of my personal--and sexual--life and we'll be set to go. Got it?"

"In one, Jim," he muttered.  "But you might keep it in mind."

"I might," I agreed, wondering what he'd think if he knew that I _had_ picked out somebody--and just who that somebody was.

The lot attendant showed up then with my rental car and I dismissed the conversation from my mind as we stowed our bags into the trunk and got in.

"Where's the hotel at?"

"Not far from Fisherman's Wharf."  I pulled the map and directions from my shirt pocket and handed them over.  "You get to guide, Guide."  I flashed him a grin. "Try not to get us going forty miles in the wrong direction, hmm?"

He grinned back and spread his hands. "Hey, man, mountains all look the same. At least here we have some road signs to read.  Just take 101 north for a while, man. Geez, could she live any further from the airport?"

"We're not going to her house, Chief. The hotel. I have no idea where Carolyn actually lives here. Well, I mean, I have the address. I don't know where in relation to where we're going, though."

"That's cool, man. Hey, you said the wedding is actually Saturday afternoon, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"'Cause that means we have all day tomorrow to do some sight-seeing."

"I am _not_ doing the tourist routine, Sandburg."

"Wanna bet?"

"Yes," I growled, though I was having funny little tingles moving through me at the thought of doing something as simple as sight-seeing with my partner. I shook my head. I was going to have to get this under control, and _fast_, before I let something slip and blew everything. I wanted to tell him…to show him…at just the right moment, in the right way. I didn't want to fuck it up, because I was hoping that maybe he felt a little of the same, but was holding off because of his promise to me when he moved in.

The thoughts that filled my head then, of what if Blair did return my feelings, were enough to start a hard-on throbbing within the confines of my jeans. Why the hell I'd decided those would be the most comfortable to travel in, I'll never know. But now I had I no expansion room, and worse, I couldn't even reach down and adjust myself, because the all-seeing man sitting next to me would wonder--and probably ask--where the hell that came from.  I gritted my teeth and tried very hard _not_ to think of Sandburg naked in my arms, full lips red and swollen from my kisses; of him bending over my back, parting my cheeks and sliding into me, hot and throbbing, taking me hard and fast, of…  A groan slid from my lips before I could stop it, and I saw Blair's head swivel to look at me.

"Jim?"

"What?"  I could barely keep the harsh edge from my voice. My cock was throbbing so hard I felt like it was on fire.

"You okay, man?"

"I, uh, yeah. I just realized I--"  I what? My mind hunted frantically for something that would make sense, but be simple. "I think I forgot to pack my dress socks."

Mentally I rolled my eyes even as my partner gave me an odd, narrowed-eye look that _clearly_ said 'yeah, right'.  "Well," he said after a moment's hesitation, "I'm sure we can find a store near the hotel where you can get another pair, Jim. This is, like, _not_ a big deal, man."

"I know. It's just the idea of leaving 'em to begin with."  Easy, Jim. Don't embroider too much. I shifted uneasily, the heat and swelling in my groin not lessened one bit, even with the slight distraction.  I decided right then and there that several days in close quarters with my partner was likely going to drive me nearly insane with need.

**********

By the time we got to the hotel, _I_ was ready to turn around and head back for the airport, and home. Of course, that would have necessitated driving through traffic for an hour again, something I'd just as soon have died as do at that point.

It was surprisingly warm for the area that day, but the temperature outside was nothing compared to the temperature inside the car. _My_ temperature, at least.  I spent an hour there, sitting next to my partner, wondering when this had gotten so out-of-control.  I'd loved the man for well over a year now.  I'd looked at his body, touched him, comforted him, soothed him--all as his friend.  Most of the time it didn't affect me; not sexually, I mean. I'd learned a long time ago how to control most of my body's urges. It was something necessary when you were out in the field for long periods of time.

So why was it bothering me so badly now? Because I'd finally admitted to what had probably been there all along?  Maybe I hadn't realized that letting Sandburg into my heart was different from opening my heart _to_ him. I don't know. All I do know is that I spent almost 70 minutes less than three feet away from a man whose heartbeat and breathing sounds I knew better than my own, and whose scent, that musky, spicy, herbal smell, was driving me crazy. His body heat was feeding mine. The little sounds he made, and his movements as he shifted around kept my attention focused on him.  The sexy grin he flashed my way every so often sent electric shocks headed straight for my groin.  I had the biggest damn erection I'd ever had in my life, and I could feel myself dripping and throbbing as we drove. I hated and loved every minute of it.

I found myself watching him surreptitiously, noting how the graceful, flowing movements of his hands complimented the smooth, flowing warmth of his voice. It occurred to me that I could probably just sit and watch him, listen to him forever.

I spent a lot of time at the beginning of our relationship trying to keep Sandburg at arms length, even while I was slowly losing my heart to him.  Pushing him away while pulling him in to me. Trying to distance myself even as I opened up to him more intimately than I had with anyone else before.  In the end none of it mattered.  He had my  heart whether he knew it or not; whether I wanted to give it or not. My desire to have just a friend, not a lover was voided. I wanted the whole package now: friend, partner, guide, lover.  I wanted it all.  Now I just had to figure out how to get it.

**********

I left Blair to wander around the lobby checking things out while I checked us in.  Carolyn had made the reservations in my name, with her as the billing party.  I informed the desk clerk that yes, there would be two of us and had them add Sandburg onto the registry.

The clerk handed me two cardkeys and smiled.  "Enjoy your stay, Mr. Ellison."

 

"Thanks."  I pocketed the cardkeys and went to look for my partner. He was standing outside the hotel restaurant, reading the menu they had posted on the door.  He looked up when I neared and I wondered how he did that--always seemed to _know_ when I was standing behind him, or coming toward him.

"Well?"

"Got a room with a view, Chief." I grinned at him. "C'mon and lets get settled, then I'll call Carolyn and see what the plan is."

"You got it, man."  He smiled at me and shouldered his carry-on.  "Hey, whatever the lay-out of the room, I want the bed furthest from the windows, got it?"

I headed toward the elevator.  "What's it matter?"

"It's colder by the windows, man. I'm lowering my chances of freezing to death during the night."

"Sandburg--it's nearly 80 degrees outside."  The elevator opened and I herded my partner on.

"Yeah, and your point?"

I shook my head and punched the nineteenth floor, then frowned when I watched concern flare in Blair's eyes.  "Hey, Chief. It's okay. Nothing's gonna happen." I was struck by the sudden urge to pull him into my arms and kiss him senseless, to take away his fear of elevators that had persisted in the weeks since the whole mess with Galileo.

He flashed me a nervous little smile. "I know, Jim. I just--" He broke off without finishing his sentence, body twitching nervously.

I moved a little closer, without making it seem like I was moving closer.  To my surprise, he shifted a little bit as well, bringing our bodies to a point where they were nearly touching. I smelled a faint increase in the musk around us and felt a stab of desire race through me.  The elevator bumped then, and the musk was replaced by the cold stink of fear as my partner's heartbeat and breathing increased dramatically.

"Easy, Blair."  I did touch him then, a gentling hand on his shoulder.  "It's okay, buddy. The elevator's still going."  I squeezed, lightly, then left my hand resting there. I wanted to touch him, comfort him, as much as I think he wanted me to.

"Sorry," he rasped, breathing a little heavy.  "It's just a…a nervous--"

"It's a perfectly normal reaction to the sort of thing you went through," I countered in a quiet voice. "It hasn't been all _that_ long. And that's the sort of thing that's bound to make an impression on you."

He turned grateful eyes up to me and I felt his body relax a little beneath my fingertips. He leaned back against the elevator wall, his eyes closing, and we made the rest of the trip in silence.

I think that day--the day I nearly lost him to a madman's scheme to blowup an elevator--was the day that I realized how deep my feelings for him were becoming. I mean, yeah, I knew I cared for the guy a whole lot, and it wasn't like I'd never faced losing him before. I don't even like to think about all the different dangers he's been exposed to since knowing me.  But this was something else altogether: we weren't even on the job. I can remember thinking 'it's not supposed to happen like this. If we go, we're supposed to go together, _be_ together.'  And then the thought slammed into me that when in the hell had I gotten that idea?  When the explosion ripped through the elevator shaft, in those several intense, terror-filled seconds before I heard the muffled, albeit wildly beating, sounds of Blair's heart, I was nearly driven to murder and suicide.

That had scared me, too. That I was willing to toss that asshole out the window--and follow him down.  I tightened my grip on my emotions for a while after that, not wanting the sheer _terror_ that those feelings had engendered in me, running loose and wild. I had to think about all it, contemplate it, feel it. I guess I was there now.

The elevator pinged and Blair nearly bolted off.  I followed quickly and directed him to the right, down the hall to our room.

"1940.  The clerk told me that they're booked full right now, too. I guess if we hadn't checked in when we had, we might have lost the reservation."  I opened the door.

"Yeah? I wonder what's going on that they're so busy."

I shrugged, following my roommate in and closing the door behind me. "Beats me. As long as it's--" I stopped mid-sentence, staring wildly at the room with a single bed.

My eyes met Blair's and I wondered for a hysterical minute if he could see the panic and desire and the thousand other things I was feeling, welling into my eyes. I finally decided not, because he shrugged and said, "Well, there's a couch, too.  Don't sweat it."

"I can't believe that Carolyn would reserve a room with just one bed in it," I grumbled as I dropped my bag onto the dresser and looked around.

"It's not really a room, Jim," my partner pointed out with a very mild expression on his face. "Technically, it’s a suite…or maybe a mini-suite.  Chill, man. I'll take the couch--I'll be more comfortable on it than you will."  He ambled around, checking things out, then opened the curtains. "Hey--nice view, man. You weren't kidding.  C'mon, Jim," he pleaded, flashing me those eyes I can't resist.  "How would she have known differently, huh?  I _know_ she wasn't expecting you to bring me along."

"She should have," I growled under my breath, knowing it was the truth.  Even if Blair and I weren't lovers--_yet_\--anybody who knows us knows that we hardly go anywhere without the other. Carolyn saw the writing on the wall before she left, so she should have anticipated it.  Then another thought hit me:  maybe she _had_ anticipated it…but taken it a step further.  I sat down abruptly on the bed, my head throbbing a little harder with that one. Now there was something to think about!

Blair was kneeling in front of me almost before my ass hit the mattress. "Jim? You okay, man?"

I gave him what I hoped passed for a smile. "Yeah, fine. Think I might take a nap for a little while though…did you want to do…" I hesitated, then shrugged, giving in as gracefully as I knew how, "some sight-seeing today?"

He flashed me a grin that could have lit up California, and slapped his hands on my knees.  "Sure, man, if you're gonna be up to it!"

"Just let me lie down for a little while, get rid of the headache."

"No prob, Jim. I'm gonna take a shower."  He wrinkled his nose. "Man, if _I_ think I stink, where are you in this?"

I laughed. "Dialed down to just about zero, Sandburg."  I had to actually squelch the urge to reach out and run my fingers through his curls. Man, give your heart permission for something, and the rest sure as hell follows, doesn't it? I hadn't had this much trouble keeping my hands and thoughts off of him in a _long_ time.

He stood back up and moved past me, heading for the bathroom. I shuddered as the warm air from his passage flowed over me, then scooted myself backward to lie down. My last thought was how nice it would be to be in the shower with him, washing that long torso, feeling those silky curls slick with shampoo, twining through my fingers…

**********

When I woke up there were long shadows moving across the room. Blair was sitting in an armchair he'd obviously pulled over by the window, his legs draped over one side, intently reading something.  I cleared my throat as I shifted and his eyes rose to meet mine.

"Hey," he called softly. "How's the head?"

"Still attached, I think," I managed, sitting up slowly.  The worst of the throbbing was gone, but I felt groggy; anesthetized, almost.  I looked around the room, but couldn't quite get my bearings. "What time is it, anyway?"

He smiled at me. "A little past five. Man, you've been asleep for almost three hours. I was starting to get a little worried; figured I'd give you another thirty minutes or so, then start poking at you."  His face sobered. "I called Carolyn, too, man. I hope you don't mind, but I know you said that you needed to call her when we got settled, and I didn't want her to be concerned about you."

_That's my guide_.  He does whatever he sees needs to be done, and does it. He knows Carolyn doesn't like him; he returns the feelings. But because he also knows that she still cares about me, he was willing to get past that and contact her.

"What'd she say?"  I stood up and stretched, nearly stopped dead in my tracks when it looked like his eyes were moving over me, following my movements.  Nah. Had to be a trick of the light, right?

"Oh, um, well…actually," Sandburg frowned a little bit, like this didn't quite make sense to him, "she didn't seem all that surprised that I was here with you. _Not_," he added emphatically, "that she was _happy_ about it. Just didn't seem surprised."

"Was she rude to you?"

"No, man." He shook his head. "Just…cool." 

Okay, I wasn't imagining it--his eyes were following me.  A shiver tingled through me. "Anything else?"  I headed off for the bathroom, knowing I'd hear any answer he made.

"Yeah, she wants you to call her, still.  Guess she doesn't exactly trust my abilities as message-boy."

_She shouldn't_, I mused silently.  _You're not a boy, you're a man…and the most desirable man I'd ever seen._  "Thanks, Chief."

I heard a murmured "No problem, Jim," and smiled when that was followed by a quiet rustling of pages as he turned back to whatever he was reading.

There were a couple of used towels hanging on the shower and I shivered again, realizing that by being asleep I'd missed the opportunity to see him coming out of the shower, water droplets still clinging to his skin, to all that incredible hair covering his chest.  My dick twitched again as I tried to picture what he would look like, naked and damp from the shower, water still beaded across his back and chest. 

I took a quick, _cold_ shower, noting with no great surprise that Sandburg had put my toiletries bad on the counter there.  In short order I was clean, shaved, dressed and calling Carolyn.

**********

The conversation left something like a bad taste in my mouth.  She wanted me--_just_ me--to come to dinner with her and her family and her fiancé that night.  Eight o'clock, at a place not far from the hotel called Romero's, which she said had outstanding Italian food.  I didn't know how to tell her I didn't want to show up without Sandburg, without having to explain myself either to her, or to _him_, since he was sitting right there, practically beside me, hearing all of my side of the conversation.

It made me mad, actually, knowing I was more-or-less being strong-armed into this.  I didn't want to say yes and I didn't really have a good excuse for saying no.  Carolyn's point about Blair not being comfortable if he _did_ come was proof about how little she knew about the man  I call my partner. Blair can be dropped down anywhere and be comfortable; he can make friends with just about anyone. I know, because he made friends with _me_.

I didn't say any of this though, just finally gave her a terse agreement then hung up and turned to face my friend, feeling inexplicably tired all of a sudden. My head hurt again, too.

"I'm sorry, Chief."

"Hey, man, it's cool. You go have dinner with her tonight, and then tomorrow you're all mine."  His eyes danced gleefully, and although I _knew_ he didn't mean that the way it sounded, allowing myself to interpret it that way gave me a rush of warmth all through my body.

"You sure, Blair? I can call her back, and--" Now I was really regretting having agreed to this.

"And what? Say you changed your mind? No, Jim," he shook his head, "you can't. Not without sounding like a total asshole."

"So? It's not like it would be the first time," I countered, almost belligerently.

"Jim," his voice was soft, almost gentle. "Man, it's okay. Really. You have dinner with Carolyn, then come on back and we'll make our plans for tomorrow, then flip for who gets the bed tonight. Okay?  This is _not_ going to be a big deal.  I'll be fine for a few hours on my own. I am a big boy, y'know."  He gave me an impish grin then, his blue eyes flashing at me.  "Go on, change. It doesn't sound like dinner at WonderBurger."

I found myself wondering, _again_, how he does it. How he could so easily defuse a situation that could have become very tense, if gone untended. Instead of being hurt or upset, and in my opinion he had every right to both, he took me in hand and calmed me down.  In addition to everything else, do I wonder why I'm in love with this guy? Not a chance.

I had dressed to go wandering in Chinatown, or maybe down at the Wharf; now, I changed back into semi-dressy slacks and shirt, and got my sport-jacket out of the garment bag.  Sandburg was grinning like an idiot by the time I was finished.

"Man," he whistled when I came out of the bathroom, "you do clean up nice, Jim."

"Can it,  Sandburg" I mock-growled at him, ruining it with a grin.  "You sure you--"

"_Jim_." The quiet insistence of his voice penetrated.  "Man, you're worse than a mother hen.  I'll be _fine_.  Honest.  I'll go get some dinner, then probably come back here and watch some TV or read.  If you're too late getting back though, you're gonna be shit outta luck, 'cause I'll go ahead and crash on the bed."

"Whatever, Chief.  You sleep where you're gonna be comfortable."

"I'll keep that in mind, man," he chuckled with a wicked gleam in his eye. I found myself shivering a little bit, looking at him. "And don't be _too_ late, anyway," he continued on. "We have some _major_ sight-seeing to do tomorrow."

I groaned. "Go easy on me, man.  I'm a novice at this tourist thing."

"You'll do fine, Jim."  He glanced at the clock on the table. "Better get going, if you're gonna get there on time."

"Yeah, I guess so."  I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay here all evening. I wanted to order in Chinese food, and feed each other; wanted to watch movies on TV with him stretched out between my legs. I wanted him to make love to me. I wanted to do the same to him. 

I gave him one last look, my heart catching, then tripping, over itself when I realized that I saw a heat there that I was unaccustomed to seeing. Directed at me?  Our eyes held each other's, warmth passing back and forth between us.  I shivered, resolving then to talk to him this weekend. Suddenly there seemed to be added factors involved here. With reluctance I broke the connection.

"Bye, Chief."

"See ya, Jim. Have a good time."

Yeah, right. To borrow one of his phrases, 'As if'. I smiled and nodded anyway, and headed out the door.

**********

There is a reason why divorced spouses shouldn't try to be more than passing friends. I shook my head as I stepped off the elevator, wondering why Carolyn thought that we were still close enough to want to do that.  Maybe this evening had shown her that so much had changed that there wasn't any point in trying. We could be casual friends, if she wanted, but it wasn't worth it, in my opinion.

The evening had been all right.  Her fiancé was a decent guy, who actually seemed a little baffled as to why Carolyn would _want_ me to join a family dinner. I kept wanting to say, _me too, buddy. I'm as confused as you are._  Her parents acted glad to see me, and I had a half-way okay time catching up with them.  Martin and Susan Plummer had always treated me decently, like the son they'd never had.  I think, in some ways, they were more devastated than Carolyn or I had been, when our marriage ended.

Still, all right or not, there had been an underlying tension there. I wanted Sandburg there with me, and knowing that Carolyn had prevented it made me turn some of the aggravation towards her.  She sensed it of course, like everything with me, and it fed her own, which was presumably related to the same thing.

I left the restaurant about ten o'clock to head back for the hotel. I'd had dinner, I would go to the wedding, but come Monday morning I was going back to Cascade with Blair, and I wouldn't be returning here.  At least, not to see Carolyn.

I knew even before I opened the door that my partner wasn't in our room, and wondered where he'd gone to, so late.  Well, maybe he'd just gone for a walk. Probably would be back soon.  I hung up my jacket and sat down at the table to look through a small pile of brochures he'd left lying there, trying to decide what looked interesting.

Half an hour later my guide wasn't back yet and I was starting to feel antsy. I had wanted to be here, but not without him. I couldn't imagine where he'd gone off to, this late, but on the other hand, why wouldn't he go out? It wasn't like he knew when I was going to be back or anything.  My mind played back over the moment just before I left to meet Carolyn for dinner.  What would have happened if I'd stayed? Or if I'd just moved a little closer? Would he have moved closer? 

"Fuck it," I growled out loud. A whole day of fighting with my inner desires, then the whole thing with Carolyn and dinner, and now Blair wasn't even here.  I stood up and grabbed my wallet and cardkey and headed for the door. I'd go down to the bar and have a drink; maybe that would calm me down some.  And then, hopefully, Blair would be back and I wouldn't feel so out of sorts.

**********

I heard his heartbeat about two seconds after I stepped over the threshold of the hotel bar. It was fast; faster than usual, although not a panicked kind of fast.  Just elevated like he was maybe getting irritated, or a little upset.  It took me just a couple seconds longer to pinpoint where I heard it, and his voice coming from, and to head in that direction.

He was sitting at the bar, looking as beautiful and as sultry as I'd ever seen. Apparently I wasn't the only one to think so, because he was shaking his head vehemently, his voice low and exasperated, speaking to an older guy who was scooting incrementally closer as I watched.

"No, man. I told you, I'm not interested."

"Come on, just one drink. Give us a chance to talk, get to know each other."

"Look, pal, which part aren't you getting here? I don't _want_ to get to know you."  My partner was starting to sound pissed off now. 

My own anger was also beginning to build.  Who'd this guy think he was, anyway, that he could come in here and try to pick up _my_ Blair?  I listened for a minute longer, then decided I had two options. One was to take the Neanderthal approach and kick the shit out this asshole, which would probably be very satisfying, but would only land me in jail for assault; the other was a lot more subtle, and maybe I could clue Blair in this way, at the same time.  I stepped forward just as Blair raised his voice slightly.

"Get _lost_, man!"

I pressed myself against Blair's back, molding myself to the lean, warm length.  When I leaned to kiss his neck, I whispered into his ear, "Just play along."  I glared at the man sitting next to him and raised my voice. "Hey, sweetheart. Is this asshole bothering you?"

I have to give Sandburg a lot of credit here; he fell into step with me perfectly, almost as if we'd planned it.  He leaned back against me, then turned his head so our lips met briefly. "Hey, baby. Not trouble, exactly. He just doesn't understand that I'm already spoken for."

My lips were on fire from that light touch of his.  "Let me explain it to him," I rumbled, standing up straight and fixing the guy with what Blair calls my 'Caveman stare'.  There certainly wasn't any faking on my part--I was pissed.  Sandburg was _mine_, even if he didn't know it yet. I didn't get the chance to open my mouth before the creep was pushing off his stool and backing away.

"Hey, sorry about that. Just thought maybe you were playing hard to get, sorry, didn't mean anything--" He was still babbling as he turned and hurried out of the bar.

I smiled, very pleased, and shifted to better face Blair. Warm lips covered mine fully and a soft, wet tongue stroked across, probing at the seam there.  I shivered and opened my mouth to let him in, all the air leaving my lungs as he took my mouth in the sweetest, gentlest, most tender kiss I've ever experienced.  When he let me go I was dazed, my brain totally shut down. I stared down at him for the longest time, my lips hot and tingling.

He stood up and tugged on my hand.  "C'mon, big guy. I think we got some stuff to talk about."

"Yeah," I managed in a gruff, raspy voice. "I think so, too."

**********

He led me to our room.  Guided me, with his hand pressed against the small of my back, but no other contact between us.  Just that touch was enough to send sparks of electricity skittering down through my nervous system, alighting every single nerve ending I possessed.

The door had hardly closed when he pushed me back against it, his mouth taking mine again, all the heat and passion that I knew was within him surging to the fore to consume me.  I opened my mouth for him and mated my tongue to his, shuddering when he teased and played with me.  His tongue was slick and hot, like the inside of his mouth. He tasted sweet, and a little bitter, probably from the alcohol he'd drank.  I moaned when he raised his arms to lock them around my neck, pressing himself closer against me, then again when he pulled his mouth from mine.

"Jim…oh, God, _Jim_."  He whispered my name like a benediction; like I was the answer to his prayers. I shuddered, the low, sensual voice running through me like white-lightening. "Do you know how long I've wanted you?"  The low voice continued its verbal caresses as his lips traced across my neck and throat, his tongue stroking me, tasting me.

"H..How long?" I moaned, tilting my head back so I could feel those sweet lips better.

"Forever, I think," he muttered, then licked my ear.  When that produced another series of shivers from me he rimmed my ear, then bit my earlobe, breathing hotly against the sensitive flesh there.  When he pulled away to stare at me his eyes were nearly black. I groaned and cupped his face in my hands, pulling him back to me, this time taking _his_ mouth.

His hair felt as silky as it looked, the curls crisp and springy, and so sensually soft as they flowed over my hands and through my fingers.  I threaded my fingers through, getting two good handfuls, then gripped tightly, tilting his face up to mine to plunder the sweet, dark depths of his mouth.  He moaned under the assault, then tightened his grip on my neck and rubbed himself wantonly against me.  I groaned against his mouth, then whispered, "Bed, sweetheart. Please…"

"Want you," he groaned, untangling his arms from my neck. "Wanna make love to you, Jim."

"_Yes_," I ground out, my entire body throbbing. My dick felt hard enough to cut steel right now, and I could feel it pulsing hard against the confines of my pants every time my heart beat.

I sucked my breath in in a great gulp when nimble fingers began undoing the buttons on my shirt. My nipples were already raw, aching points of need. I could feel them throbbing as well, standing out from my chest.  Blair trailed his fingers lightly over my chest and abdomen as he undid my shirt, gently caressing the skin that he was slowly exposing. He waited until  he had the entire shirt undone, then pushed it slowly off my shoulders before lowering his head and breathing hot, moist puffs of air over my nipples. I groaned and arched toward the heat, my skin on fire.

"Look at these poor little titties," he mumbled, breathing hotly against me.  "They look like they need some attention. So hard, so aching…aren't they?"

"Yessss," I hissed, arching harder toward his tormenting mouth. "_Please_, Blair…touch me…"

One lone finger reached out to rub over my nipple, sending an immediate spark that created a conflagration through my body.  I shuddered and leaned hard into him, pulling him up so that I could take his mouth again while he teased my nipples.

It was a desperate dance this time, our tongues and mouths mating with a hunger that couldn't be assuaged.  I needed him; had needed him for so long it seemed like it had been the forever he'd said.  And to feel him pressing against me, his mouth devouring mine, feeling the heat thrown from his body, and his cock pushing hard and hungry against mine, it was almost more than I could stand.  I pushed him backward, walking us slowly toward the bed, then turning so that he would be on top of me when we laid down together.

We let go of each other long enough to finish undressing. I followed each sensual movement my partner made as he slowly stripped off his T-shirt, then his jeans, then hooked his thumbs into his boxers.  A hot, sexy grin accompanied the wiggle that sent the underwear falling to the floor, then he was standing there, gloriously naked and fully aroused, all for me. I undid my pants while he watched, his body undulating toward me. When I reached to push my slacks down a slender hand stopped me, and then two reached out to grasp the waistband of my pants and shorts. Blair followed them down and pulled them off me when I lifted each foot in turn, then kissed his way back up first my left leg, then my right, nipping hard at the inside of each of my thighs.

I sat down hard on the bed behind me, my breathing coming in fast, harsh pants. He moved in closer, settling himself between my open knees, staring transfixed at my cock. I looked down, nearly coming just from see those dark auburn curls so close to me, to my naked arousal.  My cock was rock-hard, the tip an angry purple color, and wet from the moisture drooling from it.  Blair reached out and cupped my swollen balls gently in one hand, rubbing and squeezing lightly, then licked across the crown before taking me into his mouth.  I managed a strangled whimper, then buried one hand in his hair, guiding his head a little closer, a little lower.

The hot mouth engulfed me, working my straining shaft wetly, moving up and down. I leaned back a little bit, my body screaming for release at the same time I was screaming silently for this to last forever.  Blair's hands were hot on my thighs and my balls, one sliding back further and probing gently for my small puckered hole.  I shuddered violently and moaned when he rubbed one questing finger across it, then pressed lightly.  He brought that hand back up and stretched it out to me. I took his fingers into my mouth and sucked on them eagerly, wetting them for him.  A hot jolt of desire rushed through me when he rubbed the now-wet digit against me again; that was _my_ own spit he was lubricating me with.

"Jim, baby, we need more than spit." Blair raised his head from my throbbing dick to look at me, his voice rough with the same need that was coursing through me. I moaned and shook my head.

"Don't…need it, Blair.  I'm not…I can handle it."

"I'm not going to hurt you, Jim. We need something."

I leaned backward further, my brain racing for something we could use. "Lotion," I croaked. "Got some in my shaving kit."

I watched through heavy-lidded eyes as my partner--my lover--raced off to the bathroom, returning a minute later.  "It's really okay," I insisted one last time, my voice thick with lust. "It's not my first time."

"I know," Sandburg replied softly, rocking me to my core.

"How…do you know?"

He smiled and shifted himself up, until he was level with me, then kissed me gently.  "I've watched you, watching me.  I've wanted you for so long, Jim…nearly since I met you, I think."  Another soft kiss, followed by a slow stroke of hot fingers down my equally heated skin, pausing to rub and pinch lightly at my fiercely aroused nipples.

"B..but you said--"  Was I confusing things now?

"I wanted to be your friend, first.  Wanted you to trust me, to need me.  Wanted to give you a chance, see if you could…love me."

The last two words were so low that I nearly missed them. When they actually sank into my brain I nearly lost it. "God, Chief…do you know…"  I stopped and took a deep breath, then tried again. "Loving you  has _never_ been a problem," I told him, meeting his eyes.  "I've loved you for so long I don't remember any more when I started."

"You love me?" he breathed, looking like he couldn't quite believe if he should believe what he was hearing.

"I love you…and I'm _in_ love with you."  Actually saying those words was such I rush I could hardly stand it. I pulled him closer to me, nuzzled the sweat-damp curls. "I love you, and I want you, sweetheart. I want to feel you moving inside me, loving me."

His eyes got a little wider, a little hotter. "I love you," he breathed. "Fell in love with you the minute I walked through the door of the hospital. Knew I was gonna love you forever the minute after that." A long, slow lick to my ear punctuated his words, as his fingers slowly moved down my body.  I shivered.

"Please…" I couldn't quite make my voice work; that word came out as barely a breathless whisper. "Please, Blair…love me."  I was going to explode soon, and if the world was going to fly apart into a million pieces of pleasure, I wanted him along for the ride with me.

He moved over me then, licking and sucking; nibbling and biting. Not one inch of my body was left untouched by some part of him. My nipples were suckled and pinched and teased mercilessly, until I laid beneath him, writhing and moaning. He fondled my cock and teased the slit at the crown with the tip of his tongue, then bathed me in long, hot, wet strokes.  When his tongue dipped down to wrap around my balls and pull each one into his hot mouth I became nearly delirious with need.  He squirted some of the lotion onto his fingers and moved back up me to take my mouth again as one hot finger probed into me, slowly breaching the tight muscle protecting the vulnerable opening.

"Ohhh…good, so good," was about all I was capable of saying, and I moaned it over and over, my fingers touching him where I could, stroking his hot flesh.

He muttered something against my collar bone, then moved his finger within me, setting off all sorts of chills and shivers as I rocked against him, trying to get him to move faster.

"Easy, baby," he murmured, brushing hot kisses over my neck and throat. I shook my head, my whole body trembling.

"Want you, Blair…please…" I'd waited for this, for _him_, for so long, I couldn't stand to wait any longer.  "_Please_."

"You're tight," he whispered hoarsely. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't care if it hurts a little--it won't hurt for long." I pulled my knees up, spreading my legs for him. "Now, babe, do it, please!"

I attacked his throat with my mouth, biting and licking roughly, shuddering when I heard him moan my name. Two more wet, slippery fingers joined the one already inside me, thrusting and twisting, moving deep within me. I could feel the sweet ache beginning as he readied my body to take his cock, and I shuddered hard. I hadn't taken a cock inside me in years; most men I'd been with in the past had wanted me to fuck them, and I'd obliged willingly, but I hadn't found many I'd wanted to fuck _me_.  I'd known it was different with Blair the minute I saw him. I still wanted to crawl inside him and bury myself deep, but I wanted him inside me just as badly.

"You sure…you want this?" I refocused my eyes on him, his words calling my attention back to my throbbing, aching, needy body.  He was poised in front of me, on his knees, condom in hand.

"Yes," I mumbled hoarsely, my own cock surging at the sight of his erection. "Do it, Blair. Fuck me, love me, bury yourself in me! Just _do it_." 

I pushed up awkwardly and took the bottle of lotion from him. His eyes were dark and hot as he watched me; his body trembled beneath my fingers when I smoothed some of the thick, slippery stuff down the hard length of his dick.  He rubbed some more lotion into my opening, then knelt closer to me, pressing his cock against my waiting, hungry body.

"Love you," he breathed, lifting my legs slightly and pushing.

I grunted and pushed back against him, forcing my body to relax, to open for him. He was so big, so ready for me; I could feel all the blood thundering through him, through his cock, through the thin layers of skin separating us. I lifted my legs and locked them around his waist, then pulled him down toward me, my mouth opening to take his in a deep, hot kiss.

We moved together in a hot, sensual rhythm that shifted from rocking gently to hard and fast slamming. I moaned at first from the pain; he was right, I was tight and unopened. After a few minutes and long, hot kisses, lots of rocking and flexing, the pain transmuted into pleasure; a burning warmth that spread from my ass to my cock and up into my belly and chest.  It felt so good to have him on me; his weight was warm and comfortable, a welcome thing. His chest hair, soft and silky to run my fingers through, was gently scratching at my aroused nipples, rubbing softly at the sensitive skin of my chest. I felt like every one of my senses was on overload, in danger of maxing out. 

  

  1. I groaned, loving every sensation as we moved faster, our bodies demanding completion, release.
  



The air around us was hot and thick with the scents and sounds of sex; incredible levels of musk and pheromones being released around us, as well as the scent of ejaculate and the salt-tang of sweat. Both of us were grunting and moaning; when he thrust hard into me and slammed into my prostate I screamed, arching upward toward him, my body taut with desire.

I reached a hand down between us and stroked my own engorged cock to the rhythm that was pounding our bodies now. I couldn't take much more, there was too much stimuli, too much heat moving back and forth between us.

When Blair gentled his rhythm for a moment, moving slowing within me, just barely nudging my prostate over and over, then caressed my face with his hand I moaned and arched, sobbing my pleasure. Little, tiny knives of pleasure were pricking me everywhere. It was sweet, hot torture and I couldn't take much more. I jacked myself faster, moving up against him.

"Please…faster, baby. Move faster, Blair, I need to come…"

He drew out of me slowly, nearly all the way, only the tip of his cock still touching my open, aching hole.  The heat in his eyes warned me and I shivered, then grunted and moaned when he slammed himself back inside me, repeating it over and over again. I shuddered under the sensory onslaught and gave myself over to the pleasure moving through me in a flood. I released my seed in hot, creamy spurts onto both our chests and my hand, a long, low growl my only sound.  My body tightened around his, clenching him deeply within me. I growled and groaned again when he threw his head back and yelled my name hoarsely, his own seed flooding my insides hotly.

"Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim!!!!"  He was panting, and grunting, shuddering over me as he thrust in hard and held himself there, shaking with his release.

"Blair--oh, God, Blair--"  I pulled his head back down to me, my lips moving over his, licking and tasting him, probing with my tongue, needing to connect with him as deeply as possible.

He grunted and thrust one more time, then sagged onto me, his knees giving into the trembling that seemed to fill his whole body. I wasn't much better off, holding him against me with arms that felt as weak as limp noodles.  My whole body felt limp, languid.  I felt like I'd been thoroughly loved; was thoroughly sated and content.  The soft, harsh sounds of our breathing slowly calming and evening out soothed both of us, and we lay there, content just to be surrounded by each other.

**********

I have no memory of actually falling asleep. I only know that I--that we--did, because it was dawn when I woke, streaks of sunlight moving across the lightening sky.

I was spooned around my partner--my lover. His hair was spread across the pillow and I had my nose buried in it. I breathed in deeply, taking his scent far into myself, filling all of me with the essence of him. I became aware of a dual throbbing in my body; my ass, from last night, which was the sweetest ache I've ever experienced, and my cock, which was nestled into the valley between the firm, muscled cheeks of _his_ ass.

I groaned and shifted, my body protesting any movement that took it away from the warmth it had been resting on.

"Don't," a low, hoarse voice said softly, a gentle hand coming to rest on my hip. "Don't move, Jim….stay there…like that…"

I shuddered and stopped trying to move away; rather, when Blair moved back against me I countered the motion and rubbed myself into him. Both of us moaned, and rubbed faster.

From the motions of Blair's arm I knew he was stroking his own cock, so I pushed his hair out of the way and nuzzled into his neck, licking and kissing while we pushed and rubbed harder and faster, our bodies shivering in unison.

The increase in my partner's breathing and heartrate told me that he was very, very close. I leaned down and licked slowly over his ear, then tongued the delicate channel as I thrust against him. "I love you," I breathed hotly against the moistness I'd left there. "Love to feel you against me…under me…on top of me… Love you, Blair."  I bit down on his neck then and shuddered when he groaned loudly and bucked back against me, the hot scent of semen hanging in the air around us.

My own release splashed over us then, trigged by the scent and sound of his. I moaned his name and thrust hard against him, butting my cock against the unyielding rosette hidden in his shadowy cleft.  I left a trail of hot juices dripping down both of us as I cuddled him closer, raining soft kisses on his neck and throat, turning him slowly in my arms to kiss all of him.  When I reached his lips his mouth was open, ready and waiting for me. I took the gift he offered and gave him one in exchange; we kissed slowly, wetly, hotly for endless minutes, our tongues stroking over each other's, learning and tasting and loving.

When I pulled back from him his eyes were shining. "Morning," he said softly, grinning.

"Morning." I returned the smile. "You're incredible, Sandburg," I said finally, after staring at him for several long heart beats.

"Not so bad yourself, man," he chuckled, "for an older guy."

"Older guy?!  I'm not old!"

"You're older than me."

"I'll show you old," I muttered, feathering my fingers down his body, teasing and tickling.

"I can't wait," he moaned, arching toward me.

So I showed him with hot strokes and caresses, with kisses and licks and bites, how older can sometimes mean better.  When I entered him, then came inside him in hot, jetting spurts of liquid, he conceded the point to me.

**********

We got up sometime around noon and stuffed ourselves on bagels and cream cheese, then went back to bed to learn more about each other's bodies; our likes and dislikes, needs and desires.

We got up once more to eat, and occasionally to use the bathroom, but otherwise spent the day doing nothing but loving each other.

I told Blair later that it beat the hell out of sight-seeing.

When we did finally come up for air late Friday evening, we decided to go out and get a little fresh air. Our meandering took us past several jewelers' shops, and on the third one we decided to go in and look at bands. A ceremony wasn't necessary for either of us, but we wanted the symbol; wanted what it stood for.  We exchanged them in the moonlight, standing on the pier at Fisherman's Wharf.  All around us were the soft sounds of water slapping against wood and sand, and seagulls crying above, overlaid with the sounds of the Wharf. The symphony music for _our_ wedding. Somehow, it seemed fitting.

I kissed my partner, my lover--my spouse--there under the stars, for anyone who wanted to, to see.  He kissed me back and smiled at me, then muttered to me about it being cool down here by the water. I took his hand and led him down under the pier, out of the wind and out of sight of other people, and showed him the best way to warm both of us up.

**********

I'm still not sure if Carolyn ever figured it out. Simon, who'd come up late Friday and was going back Sunday on the same flight, took one look at us, saw the wedding bands, and gave me a shit-eating grin which I gladly returned.

We went to the wedding, and stayed long enough at the reception afterward to not be rude, then Blair and I returned to the hotel and snuggled down into the bed and loved each other until dawn, showing and sharing new ways to pleasure each other and ourselves.

I have always loved this man. I will always love this man. My feelings for him are reciprocated across the board. There is no room for doubt, for anyone who knows us. Blair and I belong together, and will always _be_ together.  And all it took for us to realize this was my ex-wife's wedding.

~finis~


End file.
